Leaders can bridge different perspectives & realities

Dr. Sara Reed
Feb 20
4 min read

Updated: Feb 23

Even when we view someone else’s beliefs or motives as ridiculous or unacceptable, to them, they are not. They have a different perspective, a different reality.

- Alison Wood Brooks in Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves

#inspiredbybooks

Big Idea Upfront: As leaders, we have a role in modeling the practices of being open, humble, and curious to learn the paths and perspectives of others.

Question to consider: Where might I need to be more open, humble, and curious to create space for the paths, perspectives, and opinions of others?

None of us walk the same path — and yet leaders can too often think they have walked in shoes they haven’t. Reading Alison’s book, when the world is where it is right now - with more throwing of insults and judgments than asking of questions - feels timely. Almost daily, I find myself in conversations laden with assumptions instead of openness to consider a different perspective or path someone may want to take.

Statements I have heard from leaders:

“I have done XYZ…”

“I know what <insert name> would say…”

I know how they feel (whoever "they" might be)

These statements reminded me of a couple of times when others reminded me of the power of asking instead of assuming because an important leadership truth is:

You might not know best.

As a reserve military commander, part of my job was to help ensure Airmen were “organized, trained, and equipped” to accomplish our mission. From basic to advanced skills - and as Reservists, most of the time, this meant disrupting civilian jobs, family lives, and/or school endeavors. One of my key assumptions when doing this part of my leadership role was to minimize the disruption of lives outside of the military. However, in one conversation with an NCO, she challenged my assumption and instead advocated for the power of wearing a uniform, even if it meant a little more disruption. We landed at asking the person how much disruption they were open to. Her challenging my assumption reminded me of the danger of assumptions and reminded me of the importance of curiosity. My perspective came from one set of experiences and assumptions, and every single Airman I led had their own experiences and needs in life. That interaction is one that continually sticks with me when I get dangerously close to thinking I know best for someone or when I hear someone else think that way. This leader bad habit can show up when you don't provide an opportunity, you make a judgment about someone's life circumstances.

(NOTE: Dear colleagues, please stop making up reasons you can't hire moms or caregivers into your organization or promote them. You are losing talent with these choices.)

Question to consider: How will you check in with yourself when you think you know best for someone - and you haven't asked?

Another important leadership truth:

Your experience might not be the experience of others.

In another example, a few years ago, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and I was traveling back to my home state of South Dakota every three weeks for her treatment until March 13, 2020. Honestly, it took a while before I could talk about it without tears coming to my eyes. A team member gently asked me if it was OK to ask about her. He had gone through a family member with cancer and understood that some people want to share, and others may not. Some days, people want to share, and some days, people don’t. Rather than assuming which I was because he had walked to a path similar to mine, he asked. Just that act of kindness (and leadership) was an important reminder to me that taking the time to pause, notice, and then check in with someone on what they need can be powerful in bridging perspectives.

Question to consider: How will I handle when I think I know what someone needs - and I haven't asked?

In leadership and life, it is always a good idea to stay open, humble, and curious

No matter what level of leader you might be, or if you have an informal leadership role, you always have opportunities to help people consider a different lived experience, path, and perspective. Unfortunately, leaders can also get wrapped up in their own opinions.

As Jamil Zaki writes in his book Hope for Cynics,

It takes confidence in yourself to question your opinions.

Three simple (though not always easy) ways to create and to leave space for others:

Be open
Be humble
Be curious

I'm as guilty as anyone else of jumping to conclusions based on my assumptions. Our human brain does this without us even knowing. However, learning to pause and ask myself a few questions can often (not always, but often) help.