Complaint Culture: How Small Signals Become Big Problems (A Leadership Lens on Dangerous Team Behaviors)

Dr. Sara Reed
Aug 21
4 min read

A few weeks ago, I wrote about four dangerous team behaviors to watch for: comparison, complaining, competition, and complacency. Having led teams for decades and also having guided and coached other leaders, I’ve learned to watch for small behaviors that, if left unattended, can lead to deeper team culture problems. I have had the opportunity to lead numerous multifunctional teams with diverse needs, rhythms, and so on. One common challenge is when comparisons can turn into concerns or even a culture of complaints.

Whether it was the training teams where one team worked nights (but they had shorter hours and were getting immediate feedback on their value to the mission) and another team worked day hours but longer hours and without feedback, many team environments are ripe for an important behavior to watch for and listen to carefully: complaining. Beyond my own experience, I have spent hours coaching and talking with leaders about the challenges of leading teams. While normal and natural, complaining, if left unaddressed, may develop into something more complicated and even more toxic for the team and its productivity.

Big Idea Up Front: Complaints aren’t just noise; they are signals. Leaders who listen and respond with curiosity turn frustration into progress.

First, let's ensure we are on the same page regarding complaints. For the purposes of this discussion, complaining is an expression of dissatisfaction, annoyance, or discontent about a situation, decision, etc. It can be expressed either verbally or non-verbally (e.g. eyerolls, sarcasm, etc.).

Note: Genuine concerns are different than complaints. If you shut down all concerns, frustrations, or moments of discontent, you create an even more dangerous environment.

Why We Complain (and often more than we realize):

Humans complain to relieve stress, build social ties, signal need, and identify and possibly solve problems.

(1) Social Bonding: Shared concerns can create community and be healthy IF they are funneled into movement toward productive forward momentum. However, complaining as a group identity is a dangerous practice; therefore, it is essential to establish structures and norms that don't foster social bonding over complaining about problems, but rather focus on solving them.

(2) Problem solving and continuous improvement: When concerns are brought forward in a constructive way (e.g., feedback on a broken process, ideas for a way to make things better or more efficient), then what could be a complaint is instead a constructive piece of feedback.

Types of Unhealthy Complaining in Teams

(1) Martyr or Victim (think: nothing changes here): This type of complaining can create an environment that is demotivating or might be a sign of disengagement (or someone in the process of disengaging from the team).

(2) Passive Aggressive (think: use of sarcasm or mutters under breath): This type of quiet but noticeable complaining are often the cover for deeper frustrations. I've learned to watch for -- and then get curious about the comments that might seem small but are likely deeper.

(3) Whisper or spiderweb (think: informal rumor mill): This type of complaining can be especially insidious, since as a leader, you may or may not know it is happening.

(4) Constant critic: This individual will find something wrong with everything and not display ownership of how the situation can be fixed or problem solved.

Why It Matters

If complaining is normal and stays small, should a leader care? Yes.

First, social contagion is real; complaining on a continuous basis will spread negative mindsets and overall negativity. These can both leave individuals and teams feeling drained or create an environment of cynicism.

Second, focus on negativity takes energy; rehashing things takes energy. These focuses can create a reduction in productivity or a team feeling stuck. (Think: I can't believe we are discussing this topic ... again.)

Third, complaining can lead to a significant erosion of trust. If the whisper, rumor mill, or gossip are tools used by team members, then team members will not know who they can trust and may question whether they can trust the leader. (p. s. Team members tend to think leaders know more than they do - so having open mechanisms to address concerns is important.)

What Should a Leader Do?

Nothing. Just kidding - that's the opposite of doing nothing. Thinking these situations will resolve themselves is an abdication of leadership responsibility.

First, notice and watch for patterns. Is it the same person or people? Are they the same issues? Is it something you have tried to fix (or something you need to)?

Second, actively redirect your team's energy. A debrief session that transitions from problems and concerns to productive problem-solving is vastly different from letting a conversation drift. (Note: Tone matters in how you do this practice. If you aren't careful, it can be dismissive.)

WARNING: While complaining is normal and human, as leaders, we need to be especially mindful of the example and energy we set for our teams. Sometimes, the most important question we can ask is: What example am I setting for this team?

Third, be curious and model curiosity. By asking thoughtful questions instead of making assumptions, leaders create space for trust, clarity, and constructive momentum.

Finally, take action. As a leader, you have been entrusted with the success of a team and with creating conditions for success.

Does this mean everyone will always be happy? No.
Will it mean making hard choices and decisions? Yes.
Does it mean you can build a team that openly provides feedback and collaborates to solve problems together? Yes, and it takes intention, action, and support.

Complaining is a signal. Sometimes it is faint, sometimes it is blaring. It is an indication that something beneath the surface needs attention. The most effective leaders don’t just tolerate it or shut it down; they interpret it. They listen for what’s underneath, redirect energy toward ownership, and foster cultures where concerns become catalysts for growth. When leaders model curiosity, responsiveness, and intentionality, they transform team dynamics from passive frustration to active engagement. Ultimately, it’s not about eliminating complaints. Instead, it is about creating environments where people feel heard, empowered, and committed to building something better together.